Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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