she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize