This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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