ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
