I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
