I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize