roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also, beer. Big fan.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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