He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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