Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
