I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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