About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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