Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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