She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
