I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
