First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
