the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
