need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sorry my hands just texted you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
