my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
