So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize