Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i think my mom watched the whole time
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
