you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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