He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
