I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize