i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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