so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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