I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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