I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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