I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
