Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
