Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
