She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
