Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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