We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize