"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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