New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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