He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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