I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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