guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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