Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
