you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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