There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize