i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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