somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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