The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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