five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
