Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
