I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize