she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
