I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
