really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
