my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
