I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to sanitize my soul.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
