My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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