you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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