you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
