we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
