Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
