lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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