put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
