Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
