you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
