Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
