i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
