Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
