I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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