anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
