you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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