her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize