Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
