She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
