Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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