He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize