Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
