there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
