I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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